About Jonny

Some describe Jonny Nutrition as a great addition to their lawn-bowling team, others suggest that he sucks at playing the piano. But what these people don’t know, is that Jonny is especially crappy at soccer, for his lateral movement and downright speed are lacking. Once Jonny reaches top speed, he can travel very fast, but only for a very short period of time. Then starts to worry that his legs will touch each other, and then he will fall and scrape his chest along 50 metres of gravel driveway like when he was 10 years old. Scrapes on his chest could potentially turn into nasty, pussy looking nodules, especially one near his hipbone that was especially nasty at 10 years of age.

When recognizing that running at full speed wasn’t a valid career option, Jonny picked up the guitar, and started writing songs such as, “I love you apple, please marry me…”, and “Little Miss soluble fibre, please clean my bum bum”. In his rebellious teenage years, Jonny started turning heads with, “Ice Ice Smoothy”, and “I like big Multi-grain buns”. Due to his hardcore lyrics, and heavy guitar riffs, he was entirely banned from Canada, and from 46 states in the U.S. Discouraged, but not beaten, Jonny came back with his comeback track, “I’m bringing veggies back”. Hitting the charts at number 1 on it’s first week, Jonny was on top of the world. While atop of the world, which was actually a sweedish excersize ball, Jonny fell from grace, and smacked his face all over the place! Dazed, but not confused, Jonny came back from the bowels of rock bottom, and hit the charts again with “Zinc for the dink”. The rest is history…